Watercolor painting of a man on a rough stone path

Your Reactions Aren't Random – They're Repeated Rehearsals You Can Rewrite

You snap at a loved one over a small slight, or freeze during a routine doctor's visit, heart pounding like it's life or death. Why? These reactions feel automatic, baked into who you are. But they're not random. They stem from how your nervous system gets programmed through repeated thoughts and emotions, starting with early imprints like those from high-control faith, then layered on by daily habits. Whether it's religious guilt whispering "you're unworthy" or work stress looping "failure is coming," these patterns wire your brain and body for survival. The good news is that understanding this unlocks the power to rewrite them. It is not fate; it is rehearsal, and you hold the script.

In my story, this hit home hard. Growing up in a strict fundamentalist environment, thoughts like "Obey or suffer" repeated daily, paired with the emotion of fear, a knot in my gut during sermons, a flush of shame after "sins." By adulthood, it was subconscious: A delayed email sparked the same dread, turning habit into autopilot. An appointment to draw blood kept me awake the night before in fear. Leaving religion in my late thirties didn't erase it; a decade later, those rehearsals kept me vigilant, body tense, mind racing. Daily habits reinforced it, incessant worry sessions, evening mental strolls through "what if" scenarios, heart pounding as though they were real. It felt like me, but it was programming. That understanding alone was pivotal. Learning the science flipped the switch: My reactions were just old tracks, ready for new grooves.

The Science: How Repetition Programs Your Nervous System

Your nervous system, the brain-body network handling stress, emotions, and habits, learns through repetition, much like a muscle builds from consistent use. When thoughts and emotions pair up and repeat, they create neural pathways that become your default. Joe Dispenza explains this as the brain's "addictive" pull: By midlife, 95% of your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions are subconscious habits, wired from past experiences. High-control religion or trauma accelerates this: Sermons and rules repeat fear-based thoughts ("Watch for judgment"), linking them to emotions like anxiety or guilt. In cases of childhood trauma, repeated thoughts of "No one's coming to help," fueled by the emotion of abandonment, wire the nervous system for isolation, making trust feel impossible even in safe relationships today. Over time, your amygdala (fear center) fires faster, flooding you with cortisol, while the prefrontal cortex (rational thought) gets sidelined.

Neuroplasticity is the hero here, your brain's ability to rewire itself. Repeated thoughts release chemicals that strengthen connections between neurons, turning fleeting ideas into automatic responses. For example, a 2011 Harvard study showed mindfulness practices (like meditation) increase gray matter in the prefrontal cortex and shrink the amygdala, reducing reactivity. Dispenza's work builds on this: Mental rehearsal, repeating a positive thought with its emotion, primes new behaviors, even altering gene expression for less inflammation and more resilience. (Check out my other blog posts on the power of emotion during meditation.) For broader traumas, like childhood neglect or chronic stress, the same applies: Repetition embeds "not safe" feelings, but awareness lets you interrupt and install calm.

Daily habits seal it. Scroll social media with envy? That emotion reinforces scarcity wiring. Pause for gratitude? It builds abundance pathways. Dispenza notes we must disconnect old circuits to form new ones; persistence turns awareness into automatic. In my case, years of "divine punishment" rehearsals from religion made fear my default. But repeating "I am not afraid" while feeling peace rewired the loop, softening reactions over time.

A Simple Practice: Spot and Rehearse the Rewrite

Start small to break the cycle. This Dispenza-inspired exercise takes 5 minutes daily.

Spot the Pattern: Notice a reaction – racing heart during a trigger. Ask: "What's the repeated thought-emotion here?" (E.g., "Not good enough" with shame.)
Interrupt Gently: Label it: "Old rehearsal." Breathe (4 in, 7 hold, 8 out) to pause the chemical rush.
Rehearse New: Close eyes, replay the scene but with a fresh thought: "I am safe and capable." Feel the emotion – relief, steadiness. Repeat 3-5 times, vividly.

Do this consistently, and your nervous system catches on. Reactions shift from reflex to choice.

You're not broken; you're programmed – and reprogramming starts now.